I got stuck in Hobby Lobby yesterday. Literally stuck. There was one whole aisle of beach house decor...ranging from trinkets to very beautiful dishes made to resemble sea shells.Why did I get stuck? First, because for 14 years I gravitated to beach decor wherever it was, because I was always looking for something new to take to the beach house. It was exciting to bring what I had found to the beach the next weekend and I would lovingly place each new item in the house. I loved to create visual interludes as my eye would survey my domain.
I can't do this anymore.
I am still SO drawn to the beach theme itself. I think it's ingrained. I can't stop.
But what was so heart wrenching was reliving again that awful pang of loss for what I once had...what my family once had, but meant more to me that what I can even express in words. I was stuck in that store aisle, because I wanted to walk away...from the aisle, from the memories, but at the same time, wanted to stay there even more...to remember... to long for what I could only claim now in my memories.
So I stayed...way to long. I thought about every inch of my city house and thought how silly these same trinkets would look if I purchased them and scattered them about.
So, I'm sure each time I see items that represent the beach, I'll have that retching pain, but perhaps with time, that pain will lessen. The memories will never fade, but I'll be able to move on...down the aisle, and not grieve, but reminisce fondly...
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