Freeze Dried (Pre)Teenager

After raising our two oldest sons to the ripe old age of 21 and 24, I've often wished for the ability to be able to just freeze dry my children from the age of about 12 to 20. Wouldn't that be nice, in some ways to just skip over all the moodiness, messiness, and maelstrom that goes along with the lovely teenage years?

I had put that wish on the back shelf for the last year or so, when our second eldest son turned 20, and started actually resembling an adult...until yesterday.

Laynibug turned twelve, 25 days ago. That must be the incubation period for the (pre)teenage disease to take hold, because although I saw symptoms before, she really broke out with a confirmed case yesterday.

"Laynibug, your teacher emailed me and told me that you're unfocused at school, and are failing two classes..."
"No, Mom, I'm not failing anything, I swear."
"Laynibug, didn't you hear me? The teacher E-MAILED me. She gave me your averages."
"Really, MOM, I'm not failing anything. I don't know why she (the teacher) thinks that."

At this point, I gave up. Wasn't worth it. Clueless...(one of the classic symptoms)...

So, I put her at the computer knowing that she had a book report due the next day that she's known about for about 2 weeks. I instructed her to start typing her report while I went to pick up three other children, which I knew would approximate the time it would take for her to complete this task. I had confidence that the yet unconfirmed diagnosis would not cloud her judgment. She'd pull this off...she'd pull through.

WRONG. Where was she when I returned? Down the street, playing with friends. How much typing had she done on the book report? NONE!

If you know me at all, I can leave to your imagination the expletives that came from my mouth...(to myself of course)...

"Laynibug, why didn't you type your report?"
"Well, Mom, IT WOULDN'T LET ME!"

After this exchange I knew it was a confirmed case of (pre)teenageditus. Full blown....all the classic symptoms. Verbal bravado, sluggishness, confusion, rebellion...all the classics were there.

Now I was berating myself for the lost year of production...I could have been much closer to my great freeze dried teenager discovery had I not fallen into the trap of self denial.

With this realization cemented firmly in my mind, I knew I'd better get ready....because for now, knowing that teenageitus is incurable for the long run, the only thing that will help me now....


.......is combat gear.